The joys of being a salt lick

I hate looking at myself in the mirror.

I hate wearing a size 13/14 and size large.

I hate watching what I eat. 

I hate eating less. 

I hate drinking less.

I hate working out and getting sweaty.

I hate that my dog thinks of me as a salt lick when I'm done working out.

I want to eat an entire box of girlscout cookies (yes, fat kids like me hide them from themselves so they have them year round).

But I love feeling the burn after I work out. 

I love knowing that I've lost ~7 pounds in the last two weeks. 

I love seeing that a little motivation goes a long way. 

I love that I'm getting healthier. 

I love that my asthma is getting better as I work out longer.

I love that I'm finally not giving into excuses. 

And no, certain family member who works for Weight Watchers... I don't want to pay $20 a month to have some strangers judge me. 

No, I'm not doing it to get super skinny. 

I'm not going to be the 107 pound 19 year old girl I was before who thought she was fat.

I'm 23 now, I actually eat and I weigh 180.4 pounds. I was approximately 187.6  two weeks ago. 

Do I want to get back to 107 pounds? Hell yes. 

Do I think I will? Nope. At least not for a long time. 

My goal weight is around 140 for now. And I believe that is even considered obese for my height. However I have a lot more muscle than most girls my size. Someone else I know who is both taller than me and bigger around the stomach than me weighs 171 pounds. Yet she has just about zero muscle. And muscle is more dense than fat, which is why I don't care if I do gain muscle and don't get back to the weight I was before.