I'm fricking happy!

It's been like two or three months of not being on conventional medication. I've been taking SAM-e. And for once, when I take it as told, it works

I'm fricking happy. No crying other than reading really emotional stuff or seeing emotional shows. Totally legit reason for crying. It's fantastic. Maybe it's the mix of working out and taking a more natural medication. I don't know. I'm also talking to someone a lot more who makes me happy as can be. But it feels fantastic. I'm happier than I've been in a looooong time. Probably even years. It's fantastic. 

I feel like I'm only partially relying on someone else to make me happy. Like maybe 5%. When in the past, it has been nearly 100%. It's all progress! 

I even stayed at my aunt and uncles house, alone with their dog, for a week. And I feel fantastic. I didn't have a panic attack. I didn't cry more than emotional shows. I felt fine. I felt more than fine. I kept the house clean and took care of a dog all by myself. I may not have been doing anything else (for example, work or school) but it's a start. 

By the way, fuck all of you who said I needed a highly sedative medication to make me happy. I'm doing this on my own. Those sedative medications may have made me sleep, but I slept 12-14 hours and still felt exhausted. I felt numb. I felt like my mother could shoot my leg and I'd feel no emotional attachment and just be mad about being shot. 

I've known I could do this on my own. I just needed someone else to tell me I could. That is literally all I needed. 

Maybe I have PTSD. Maybe I'm bipolar or depressed. Maybe I let my history bug me more than I should. 

But I'm stronger than I was yesterday. And tomorrow, I'll be even stronger.