Did I ever think...?

Did I ever think I'd be 23, jobless and living at home with my parents? Nope. 

Did I ever think I'd take a break from school? Nope. 

Did I ever think that I'd apply to 25 jobs in a week? Nope. 

Do you really think it's a good idea to remind me that I feel like a worthless slob? It really isn't. I don't know why family and people ask if I have a job or "what you're doing with your life." Well, I'm trying to not strangle you right now for asking that. But other than that, I obviously just sit home and do nothing but masturbate all day while drinking wine and watching Housewives of Somewhere Better Than Here. Really? No. I try to do as much as I can around the house. I go and go tanning. Why? Not for any superficial reason. I don't care about being tan. It's the bright light. Laying down, closing my eyes and relaxing. Happy lights don't do anything for me. Actually, they kinda piss me off. I know what they're supposed to do but they don't do anything for me, so that makes me mad. I've tried putting it on a timer so I can wake up to it. It just aggravates me. I tried doing regular stuff but just being next to it. I just got annoyed. Maybe I'm weird. But it didn't do anything. 

I am, however, trying to do everything I can to make myself happy. Working out, when I can breathe, helps. But I'm sick right now and can't breathe very well. Tanning makes me happier. Taking SAM-e makes me happier. And it helps my back. It helps with joint pain. Hallelujah. 

I went to the library and got some books. I'm hoping that reading will help as well. I got some historical books and I also got some that are a little silly and embarrassing. So I'm hoping I can read the five books before they're due on the 13th!