Looking back

I just read my second post of my blog and it made me cry a little. At that point in my life, everything sucked. I was hiding the fact that I was cutting myself from a guy I was dating, all of my family and my friends. I hid my depression as well. Little did I know, it was PTSD. The loss of time. The wanting to hit the guy who raped me with my car and thankfully me stalling my car. All of that. I had no idea. I had no idea how bad things were. 

Today, I'm taking SAM-e, biotin, birth control, and Allegra. Also a nasal spray. I'm no longer on highly sedative drugs. I no longer day-drink, like I had before. I no longer rely on anyone else to make me happy. If I had could go back to a year ago, I would have never thought I would have taken a break from school, gotten a job and felt legitimately happy at times. I never would have thought I had two beautiful, lovey dogs, even if one is only lovey towards me. I never would have thought that my life would be like this. And I'm so thankful I am happy. I am happier. I know what is going on with my body for the most part. At least with the PTSD. I need to make another appointment to check about the hpv and see if things have become cancerous or precancerous. But that will be soon enough and I don't want to deal with a duck beak in my hoohah and someone far too close to my bits for comfort. 

I have a job that I enjoy. At times, it hurts my back like no other. And thankfully I can ask one of the other girls to help. They're so willing and helpful. And they like me. I feel comfortable around them, like I've known them for a while. It's wonderful. I normally hate girls. So that helps! 

Also, I have a wonderful manicure right now! Sparkles and glow in the dark! 

Glow in the dark glitter from artsy fartsy crafts. I love it. 

I'm also thinking of starting back up a ten gallon planted tank. I have all of the things I'd need except for substrate, plants and id order a few more fish. Mainly endlers. I love those little fish. They are easy to care for and pretty and bright. I used to buy fish when I was sad. But now I'm wanting to start a new project! I'd need to paint my room first and do that stuff. But I'm excited! I'd love to do another tank. Plus I get a 15% off discount at work. =]

Ahh, another life update.

Blurry So I was hired at a Subway. And that particular store was very poorly managed. To the point where in front of customers, he would tell me to accept tips. When the customer was gone, he told me that his bosses are to be told that we didn't accept tips. Also, I was three feet away from the manager and a coworker and the coworker told the manager, "it's going to be so funny to watch her fail on Saturday. You know how busy it gets on Saturday." Oh really? You've been a sandwich artist for five years. I've been at school. Making something of myself. Learning. Bettering myself. I wanted to shank a bitch. But I didn't. I quit. And the manager told me, "this is fucking bullshit." Ok. That's appropriate.

But then I started at a pet store! And I love it! I am a bather. I bathe them, brush, perform sanitary trims, express anal glands (yes, ew... Very ew...) and trim nails. But I love it! Everyone in the salon is so socially awkward. Like me. Yes, we do have some awful customers. But we also have a ton of awesome ones. It's definitely a job for me. Not my permanent job, for sure. But one that is fantastic for the time being. 

So maverick. Oh. Maverick. He's kind of an ass. He loves my mom, dad and I. But anyone else, eh. Nope. We have to very carefully supervise anyone else or else he tries to herd them. He's not a herding dog. He's a white, fluffy beast.  But he's getting better. And with my new job, I get free once a week dog training for 6 weeks.  He lets us know when he wants to go out. Plays with Ziggy all of the time. Even when I'm getting ready for work. Which often means mascara all over my face or a jacked up eyebrow. But I love them so much. Both of my Eskimo beasts have done so well with the nail grinder that I use for work. 

Only thing I don't like about my job is that my nails have to be short and with the grinder for dog claws, it messes my thumb nail up. Hopefully when I get better I can have prettier nails! 

I can never get a clear picture of them together. They're crazy. 

I just noticed that Ziggy is always smiling in pictures and maverick just has a serious face. Haha.