Looking back

I just read my second post of my blog and it made me cry a little. At that point in my life, everything sucked. I was hiding the fact that I was cutting myself from a guy I was dating, all of my family and my friends. I hid my depression as well. Little did I know, it was PTSD. The loss of time. The wanting to hit the guy who raped me with my car and thankfully me stalling my car. All of that. I had no idea. I had no idea how bad things were. 

Today, I'm taking SAM-e, biotin, birth control, and Allegra. Also a nasal spray. I'm no longer on highly sedative drugs. I no longer day-drink, like I had before. I no longer rely on anyone else to make me happy. If I had could go back to a year ago, I would have never thought I would have taken a break from school, gotten a job and felt legitimately happy at times. I never would have thought I had two beautiful, lovey dogs, even if one is only lovey towards me. I never would have thought that my life would be like this. And I'm so thankful I am happy. I am happier. I know what is going on with my body for the most part. At least with the PTSD. I need to make another appointment to check about the hpv and see if things have become cancerous or precancerous. But that will be soon enough and I don't want to deal with a duck beak in my hoohah and someone far too close to my bits for comfort. 

I have a job that I enjoy. At times, it hurts my back like no other. And thankfully I can ask one of the other girls to help. They're so willing and helpful. And they like me. I feel comfortable around them, like I've known them for a while. It's wonderful. I normally hate girls. So that helps! 

Also, I have a wonderful manicure right now! Sparkles and glow in the dark! 

Glow in the dark glitter from artsy fartsy crafts. I love it. 

I'm also thinking of starting back up a ten gallon planted tank. I have all of the things I'd need except for substrate, plants and id order a few more fish. Mainly endlers. I love those little fish. They are easy to care for and pretty and bright. I used to buy fish when I was sad. But now I'm wanting to start a new project! I'd need to paint my room first and do that stuff. But I'm excited! I'd love to do another tank. Plus I get a 15% off discount at work. =]