Sometimes I wish I could just press a reset button on life. Like when you're playing sega genesis and notice "oh shit. I'm about to die" or your time sucks, so you just press reset and bam. Begin again. Start over. Clean slate.
Sometimes I wish I could just move somewhere completely random and new. And try to change myself there because no one would know the real me anyway, but in a way, it would just be pretending, I think.
I can't do that so while I take some time off from school, I'm going to try to make some big changes.
- I'm going to get a job. Never had one before.
- I'm going to get back into shape and hopefully lose some of the weight that depression has added. (50+ pounds since 2009.... =\ I finally have boobs but the rest of me is icky)
- Take care of my aquariums more.
- Take Ziggy on more walks and brush her more.
- Plant a garden. With pumpkins and random veggies. Pumpkins are already started and I am thinking I want broccoli, zucchini, peas, soybeans, carrots and lettuce. Maybe this will help me eat healthier and lose weight also!
- RELAX!!! I desperately need to relax. To find ways to cope with my depression and ways to calm myself down when I have anxieties.
I need to think of myself. I need to do things that make me feel better and to help me get back to my normal semi-happy state.
I'm making lists to get stuff done. While they do seen overwhelming at first, they are helping me get some stuff done. Finding the motivation to do anything is rather difficult, especially when I'm depressed and feel sick, but I'm trying. My list is gradually getting shorter and shorter for this week. Called and made appointments for a doctor and for my hair, which stresses me out since I hate calling places. Cleaned aquariums and redid Felix's tank (baby male betta born approximately November 1). He now has a little temporary 2.5 gallon tank with plants and a heater until I go back go my apartment and get my stuff from there and his 10 gallon tank.
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